“What About Me?” – Understanding Child Arrangements on Separation Through a Child’s Eyes

When parents separate, it’s not just their lives that change—children’s worlds shift dramatically too. The house may look or feel different, routines are disrupted, and suddenly children hear unfamiliar, grown-up words like “child arrangements order.” They may begin moving between two homes instead of living under one roof. But behind every court order, there is a child who simply wants to feel safe, heard, and loved.

This article explores what child arrangements really mean, through the eyes of a child, and why their perspective must be at the heart of any decisions made.

“No one asked me what I wanted…”

One of the most common things children express in family proceedings is the feeling of being left out. They often say, “No one asked me,” or “They decided everything without me.”

In reality, the law does require that a child’s wishes and feelings be considered, especially if they are mature enough to express them. But in practice, this doesn’t always feel real to the child.

“I’m not a package you can split in half.”

Children are not items to be divided evenly. When adults talk about a “50/50 shared care arrangement” or “alternate weekends,” it can leave children feeling like they’re being pulled in different directions. They want time with both parents, but they also need stability, consistency, and emotional security.

While fairness between parents is important, the family court’s primary concern is always the child’s welfare. What looks fair on paper may not be what feels best or works best for the child.

“Please stop fighting about me.”

Many children end up caught in the middle of their parents’ disagreements, even if unintentionally. Hearing arguments, seeing tension, or even just sensing emotional strain can make a child feel they are the cause of the conflict.

It’s crucial to be mindful of what is said within earshot of children. Even if they seem distracted or preoccupied, children are often listening and absorbing more than we realise.

When parents are able to co-parent respectfully and communicate clearly, it helps create a safer and more emotionally healthy environment for their child. In most cases, it’s in the child’s best interests to have a meaningful, safe relationship with both parents, if possible.

Keep the Child at the Centre

Whether you’re considering a formal child arrangements order or working things out informally, always bring the focus back to the child: their needs, their wellbeing, and their voice.

Need Help Navigating Child Arrangements?

At Hopkins Solicitors, we understand how emotionally complex and legally challenging child arrangements can be. Our experienced family law team is here to support you every step of the way, always with your child’s best interests at heart.

Contact Hopkins Solicitors today for trusted legal guidance that puts your child at the centre of every decision. Let’s work together to create arrangements that work—not just on paper, but in real life.