Making Christmas arrangements for the children after separation

Christmas may still feel a little way off, but for separated parents, planning ahead can help avoid last-minute disagreements and make the festive season more relaxed for everyone.

Whether this is your first Christmas apart or you have been separated for several years, agreeing where the children will spend their time can be emotional. Familiar traditions, family gatherings and the thought of missing Christmas morning can make these conversations particularly difficult.

So, how can you make arrangements that put your children first?

Start the conversation early

Try to discuss Christmas arrangements well before December. This gives you time to consider each other’s proposals, organise travel and resolve any differences before the children start asking about their plans.

Make a clear, practical suggestion rather than simply asking, “What are we doing about Christmas?” Setting out proposed dates and times gives you both something concrete to discuss.

Think about what will work for your children

There is no single arrangement that suits every family. Some parents alternate Christmas Day each year; others divide Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, or celebrate on different dates.

Consider your children’s ages, routines, wishes and the distance between homes. Splitting Christmas Day may work well if you live nearby, but lengthy journeys or several handovers could leave children tired and unsettled.

Listen to their views in an age-appropriate way, while making clear that they do not have to choose between their parents. The responsibility for making arrangements should remain with the adults.

Agree the details, not just the day

An agreement that the children will spend “Christmas with Dad” or “Boxing Day with Mum” can mean different things to each parent.

Be clear about:

• The dates and times the children will be with each parent.
• Who will collect them and where handovers will take place.
• Arrangements for the rest of the school holidays.
• Any agreed telephone or video calls.
• When the usual arrangements will resume.

Confirming the plan in writing can help prevent misunderstandings and gives everyone something to refer back to.

Keep children out of disagreements

Communicate directly with the other parent, where it is safe and appropriate to do so. Avoid asking children to pass on messages or negotiate arrangements.

Reassure them that it is all right to enjoy Christmas with their other parent. They should feel free to look forward to their celebrations without worrying about upsetting either of you.

You can also create new traditions. A special Christmas breakfast, a festive film night or a celebration on another day can become something your children look forward to each year.

Check any existing court order

If a child arrangements order is already in place, check what it says about Christmas and school holidays before making plans. Seek legal advice if the wording is unclear or changes are needed, rather than assuming the usual weekly arrangements settle the issue.

Get help early if you cannot agree

If discussions reach a standstill, legal advice can help you understand your options. Family mediation may also help parents reach an agreement, where appropriate. Where there are concerns about domestic abuse or the safety of a parent or child, seek advice about a safe way forward.

If a court application becomes necessary, do not assume that a disagreement raised shortly before Christmas can be resolved in time.

Christmas after separation can take some adjustment. A clear plan, agreed early and built around your children’s needs, can help them feel secure and enjoy the celebrations.

If you need advice about Christmas arrangements or other issues concerning your children, contact the Family Law team at Hopkins Solicitors.